Missing
by Merlee Wishine
Summary: After Amu's family is killed in a car accident, she decides to kill herself. After regretting her choice, she's sent back as Ikuto's guardian angel. She was told that Ikuto could bring her back to life. Rated T just in case.
1. Chapter One: Please, please forgive me

Merlee: Oh my god this story is so sad T~T

Ikuto: Then why did you write it?

Merlee: Because I love sad stories T~T

Amu: You really love sappy love stories, don't you?

Merlee: -nods- T~T I admit it

Miki: Merlee doesn't own Shugo Chara or the characters. She's merely an obsessed fan.

Merlee: Who loves sad stories! T~T

Miki:...yes.

Merlee: Quick Note! To all of you who have this on story alert and me on author alert, there isn't a new chapter, like there was messaged. I needed to change something that would have resulted in a plot error in the chapter I'm writing now, and that I'm almost done with, I might add ^^

* * *

I hung upside-down on the monkey bars, my note in my hand. My entire family was gone, even Ami, all because of a drunk driver. Yes, I would miss everything about my life. My friends, the people I loved, my charas, but without my family, none of it meant a thing.

I clutched my note tightly in my hands. On the front I had written, "_Please send to Tsukiyomi Ikuto_". I doubted that the police would send it to him before reading it themselves, but I had to make sure that it was known that the note was for Ikuto's eyes only, even if somebody else had to read it as well.

I held another piece of paper in my hands as well. It was my will. Some things left to Rima, some to Yaya, some to Utau, and everything else to Ikuto. I wanted to make sure that Ikuto had a lot of things to remember me by.

I let tears roll down my cheeks. I was afraid to do it now, but I was going to anyway. I had made my choice. I took a deep breath. "Ikuto," I whispered even though nobody could hear me, "I love you."

I unwrapped my legs from around the monkey bars. Suddenly wished that I hadn't. _What am I doing?_ I thought, _There were so many things I wanted to do, so many things that I could have done, things to live for!_ It was too late either way. I had chosen death over everything else, and now I had to face my own, stupid choice.

I felt my head hit the cold, hard pavement. So many memories filled my mind; happy memories with my friends. The moment I found my charas, my first charanari, having Nadeshiko as my best friend, meeting Rima, babysitting with Yaya, eating ramen with Utau, so many good memories that could have filled the hole left by my family's death. All wasted. A few more memories filled my head, the best memories I had. Ikuto. His smirk, his violin, his beautiful midnight blue hair with eyes to match, the way he teased me, everything about him. My last memories.

"Ikuto," I whispered. My last word.

_I love you, Ikuto. _My last thought.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. My last breath.

I closed my eyes and in that same instant, I was gone.

_**Five minutes later…(Ikuto's POV)**_

I heard a loud knocking sound at the door. _Who in the world would visit someone this late?_ I thought. I answered the door anyway. There stood a cop and in his outstretched hand he held a folded piece of paper.

"You Tsukiyomi Ikuto?" he asked.

"Yeah and?"

He put the paper into my hands "_This_ should explain it."

"Uh, thanks?" The cop walked away and I shut the door. I looked down to the paper. On the front was written "_Please send to Tsukiyomi Ikuto_" in Amu's handwriting. I reluctantly opened it. The message inside brought me close to tears.

_Ikuto,_

_ Well, if you're reading this, well then I'm dead. Okay, that was really cliché, but cut me some slack. You only right a suicide note once haha. Yeah, that was a bad joke. I decided to kill myself because of what happened to my family, but I wrote to tell you something more important than that. Well, this is going to be a little hard to put considering the fact that I've actually never said this to anyone without the help of Ran's chara change, but I'm going to do my best, anyway. Ikuto, I love you. Yes, I got really mad and really annoyed when you'd tease me, but looking back on all of it now, I loved it. But I promise you that the second before I die, my last memory, word, and thought will be of you. I enjoyed my life and my time with you, but not even that is enough to overthrow my grief. Please, please forgive me for this, but remember, wherever I am, I'll be watching over you and keeping you safe._

_ I'll love you forever,_

Amu

I couldn't keep count of how many tears rolled down my face. It wasn't that common for me to cry. Amu was dead. _Amu was dead!_ That was the only thing that constantly surged through my brain, and I couldn't seem to get it out. _Amu is dead. Amu is dead…_ Gone. _Gone_. I'd never be able to see Amu again.

Why did things like this have to happen?

_**Meanwhile (Amu's POV)…**_

I woke up in laying something soft and cold, but somehow warm as it bit into my skin. I opened my eyes to see the bright, soft glow of snow even though it was in the middle of July. Not only was it snowing, but also I was in a forest that I didn't recognize. It consisted of trees and hills all around me except for the small, flat clearing I was in. To my surprise, I wasn't cold and I was numb instead.

_Where am I?_ I asked myself in my head, _Why am I not cold?_

I got up, but as soon as I did, I became dizzy. I almost feel backward, but I was able to keep myself still. Then, I heard a whisper. _Amu_, it said. It was a soft voice of a gentle woman, although I couldn't see one, _Listen to me, Amu._

I stood still and listened carefully.

_I have news that you killed yourself_, the whisper said. Ouch. I really _had_ killed myself! _Amu,_ the whisper went on, _you wish to go back to your life, do you not? You wish that you could stop yourself, correct?_

I nodded and answered, "Yes."

_I can give you a second chance. I'll send you back as Ikuto's guardian angel. Only he will be able to bring your soul to life once more._

Before I could answer, the snow around me raised up and I was completely engulfed in it, unable to see a single thing in front of me. Pure white surrounded me wherever I turned. Ikuto's guardian angel? That was something I could very easily deal with.

_**Ikuto's POV**_

Amu's funeral was the worst thing I ever experienced in my entire life. She was always so optimistic, so why had she decided to _die?_ And apparently she had a lot of friends. The entire room was filled with crying people. I didn't blame them for crying. I myself was about ready to. Of all people, why did it have to be Amu?

I walked up to her casket and I looked in at her cold, dead body. The empty shell that was once the girl I loved. I began to cry. I put my head down on the edge of her casket and I cried so much that I could have flooded the whole funeral home with my tears. Out of everyone that death could have taken for it's own, it _had_ to be Amu. _Couldn't it have been someone else?_ I asked myself, _Couldn't it have been anyone but Amu?_ Utau grabbed my shoulder and pulled me away.

"Ikuto," she said, her eyes had filled up with tears as well, "People are waiting."

I sat back down. My life was starting to _suck_.

Later on, at her burial, it started to rain. I felt like the sky was crying with me over Amu's death. As the priest spoke I knelt beside Amu's grave like a widow who just lost her husband. Or, in my case, like a widower who has lost his wife. Or best of all, a kid who lost the girl he loved. The tears just wouldn't stop rolling down my cheeks. I'd never be able to tease Amu again. I'd never see her blush, smile, laugh, or the way her sun colored eyes sparkled, or the way she glowed when she healed x eggs. Everything that had made Amu who she was, the girl I loved, was gone. Forever.

I felt a slight breeze brush against me, and it enveloped me in what felt like somebody hugging me. I remembered suddenly what Amu had said in the note, _Remember, wherever I am, I'll be watching over you and keeping you safe._

A whisper as quiet as the breeze that embraced me filled the trees. No matter how quiet it was, it was enough to make me break down. _And I kept that promise,_ the whispering said. It was Amu's voice. Could she really have been watching over me? No, she couldn't be. Ghosts are things that only little kids believe in. She couldn't have been with me, could she? No, it wasn't possible.

Was it?

Of course not! I was being unreasonable, right? Right.

Even after the burial I stayed behind. Amu had already been ripped away from me once, and I wasn't about to be parted with her again. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, releasing thousands of tears. Why did Amu kill herself when she had things to live for, people she loved? Thinking this only made me feel worse. I put my hand on the dirt in Amu's grave and closed it. _Oh Amu…_

_Don't cry for me, Ikuto,_ the whispering said, _Please, don't_. I looked around the cemetery for anybody who could have been whispering. I saw no one.

_Come on, Ikuto!_ The whispering went on, _Face the facts!_

"What facts?" I asked the voice aloud

_I'm hearing Amu's voice, but she's dead and I miss her. I'm imagining things,_ I told myself.

I nodded to my own logic. I _had_ to be imagining things. Only insane people heard voices, right?

Right.

Amu's POV

Being a guardian angel was hard. Weren't guardian angels supposed to protect people from anything, even sadness? Was I supposed to stay hidden from Ikuto? Did I have to go with him everywhere, even when he used the bathroom or took shower? I wished I had thought more about the roll of "guardian angel" a little more before I had taken the job. But being _Ikuto's_ guardian angel…

For what seemed to be no reason, Ikuto got up from my graveside and wiped his eyes. "I'm okay. I'm okay," he said. I had a feeling that he was trying to convince himself this. But as his guardian angel, I took the role of his consciousness.

"I'm not okay," I whispered, mimicking Ikuto's voice, "I miss her, but it's okay. Grief is expected after death. I need to accept it." I sighed. If only I had taken my own advice into consideration. Then I wouldn't have to give it to Ikuto.

"Just imagining things…"

"I need to calm down," I said, using Ikuto's voice again. Maybe this was the kind of things guardian angels are supposed to do.

"Yeah. Calm. I need to calm down." I smiled. I'd helped Ikuto a little, and that made me really happy. It was about the happiest I'd been in a while. Maybe being an angel made things that made me happy simpler so I could enjoy myself more. Or maybe being around Ikuto was making me happier. Maybe both.

But I wanted to do nothing more than embrace him like I did before. I could have done it again, but he wouldn't feel anything other that a breeze, even if I _did_ have a form. He wouldn't be able to see me. Only other angels and people with a sixth sense. Either way, I put my now-pale hand on Ikuto's shoulder. Even if he could only feel a breeze, he needed it.

Almost as if he knew I was there, he said, "You're watching me now, aren't you Amu?"

I'd have given anything to make Ikuto truly happy again. Why did I kill myself?

* * *

Merlee: -sniffs- So sad!

Ikuto: WHY?! -holds Merlee at gunpoint- WHY DID YOU KILL AMU?!

Merlee: T~T;

Amu: hehehe I get to follow Ikuto into the bathroom!

Merlee&Ikuto: o.o; pervert.

Amu: hehehehe

Merlee: R&R!


	2. Chapter Two: I'm all alone

Merlee: I finally update this! ^OvO^ -does a happy dance!-

Amu: FINALLY! What took you so long? Your fans are going to kill you!

Ikuto: Whoa, she has fans?!

Merlee: What did you just say, Ikuto?!

Ikuto: Oh, nothing.

Merlee: =_=... -stabs with a fork-

Ikuto: OW! What the...?

Merlee: =_= that's what happens when you make me mad. So shut up.

Ikuto: =_=.......... can we just get on with the story now?

Merlee: =_= I guess. (Even though that's no fun T~T)

Miki: Merlee doesn't own Shugo Chara. She's-

Merlee: -tapes Miki's mouth shut- xD Epic win!

* * *

Ikuto's POV

That was the first night I dreamed of her since her death.

I was standing in what looked like space, thousands of dust-like clouds, I think they were called nebulas, surrounded me. I stood on one that reminded me of the Pillars of Creation in the Eagle Nebula I'd learned about a few years ago. I stared below me to look at the Pelican Nebula, and several others next to it. I knew they couldn't be real. For one, it's impossible to breathe in space, and none of the nebulas are close enough to travel to. And these nebulas weren't as close together as they were now. I looked at the huge pillars in front of me and sighed.

"It's really pretty, isn't it?" A voice said behind me, "Too bad this nebula is going to stop abruptly in a few thousand years. Sad, isn't it?"

I turned around and saw two familiar golden eyes staring at me behind bubble gum pink hair. The only difference now was that she wore her hair in an up-do with the font sides hanging down. She wore a white, flowing dress with small wings on the shoulders. "_Amu!"_ I yelled, jumping backward, "What..? But you're supposed to be-"

"Yeah, I know," she said. She walked up to the nearest pillar and leaned against it. I wondered then how we could stand on hydrogen; but then again it was a dream. "I'm supposed to be dead."

I walked over in front of my dreamed-up-Amu. I reached out to touch her shoulder, but she flinched away. She looked scared for a moment, then worried. Then she looked as though she were about to cry. "Just… forget about me, okay? You deserve a happy life without hurt and grief."

"I would have _had_ one if you hadn't decided to kill yourself," I said. I immediately wished I could take it back. My voice sounded sour and cold. Even if it were most likely that this Amu was only a figment of my dreams, I didn't want to hurt her. I softened my tone. "Why _did_ you kill yourself, anyway?"

She sighed, her breath having a smell like snow lingering in it. It crawled up my nose and rested in my brain. I wouldn't forget the smell anytime soon. "Well, you read the note I sent you. My family died and I couldn't cope. So do yourself a favor and forget about me, and don't make the same mistake I did."

"Amu, do you really expect me to just forget about you?"

"No, I'm just telling you that you have to. And that's an order."

"Do you _want_ me to forget about you or something?"

"No, of course not!"

"Then why are you telling me that I need to?"

"Sometimes, you have to let people go, even if you don't want to," she sighed again, "I'm sorry that I put you through this."

"Amu-"

"I should have thought through it more before I decided to do it."

"_Amu-_"

"If I knew-"

"_Amu!_"

She blinked as if she were blinking away tears. "What?"

I acted on impulse and wrapped my arms around Amu. She took in a deep, shocked breath and let it out slowly. She reluctantly put her arms around me and buried her face into my chest. She breathed in and out in a raspy way and she began to cry.

"I-Ikuto…" she murmured. I patted her back. I was aware by now that this was merely a dream, but I'd savor the moment anyway.

"Amu, it's okay," I said. I was starting to cry, too. "It isn't your fault."

I held Amu closely. We stood there together, crying in the dream-made cosmos.

Amu's POV

I wasn't supposed to do this.

Not only was I contacting Ikuto in his dreams, which was could result in the repossession of my soul, but I was practically telling him that I was his guardian angel indirectly. That kind of stuff was risky. Apparently, if someone knows that their guardian angel is someone they loved once, it'll depress them even further.

But I had to talk to him in physical form. I couldn't stand the whispers.

"It isn't okay," I whispered, "It _is_ my fault. I've hurt you."

Ikuto held me closer. His actions surprised me, since he thought it was all just a dream and all. "Amu, don't _say_ things like that."

I moved backward, breaking our embrace and falling against one of the pillars. "I have to go now," I said. "And it's about time you woke up, anyway."

Ikuto was about to protest I could tell, but I quickly drew myself out of the dream. I found myself in Ikuto's room in a matter of seconds, sitting on his bed in the position I had been in before I entered his dream. He stirred. I could tell that he had woken up. He pulled the covers off. If I hadn't been dead already, I would have had a heart attack. I forgot that Ikuto slept without a shirt on. He turned his head right in the direction of were my shapeless breeze sat.

"_Amu…_" he whispered. _Oh dear, can he see me?_ I thought. I sat there with my mouth wide open, ready to say any excuse I could think of for being there. Maybe saying that I was a figment of his imagination, or maybe that he was still dreaming. Or maybe that he died in his sleep and he was in heaven with me now…

Suddenly, Ikuto began to cry. He looked away. Obviously, he hadn't seen me. "Oh, Amu," he whispered even quieter than before, "Oh, _Amu_…"

I couldn't help myself. I took my hand and held it up to his cheek. I wiped away his tears as best I could and I kissed him lightly on the cheek I had just touched. He wouldn't know what was going on or why, but I felt better by doing it.

"Amu," He whispered, "Why did it have to be _you_, Amu?"

Ikuto started to cry uncontrollably. I wrapped my arms around him and I started to cry, too. Why did I do something like this to Ikuto? And when could I finally show myself to him as his guardian angel? I could only do it when he wasn't as sad, but when would that be?

"Ikuto, nya!" I voice said. _Oh shit! _I thought, _Can charas see angels?_ Yoru went up to Ikuto, but he glanced my way quickly. Did that answer my question?

"Cheer up, nya! It isn't all bad, nya!" Yoru said. Ikuto scowled at him.

"How is it _not_ all bad, Yoru? Did you miss the part about Amu being _dead?_"

"But Ikuto, ny-"

"Please, Yoru, just… go."

Yoru gave him a sad look and left. I'd seen Ikuto be a little mean to Yoru before, but not cold like that. _This must be eating him up inside_, I thought, _Why did I..?_

My thought trailed off as Ikuto started crying again. "Don't cry," I whispered, "Please… don't."

He shook his head, as if responding, and continued to cry.

"Ikuto, please. _Please_."

He only cried more.

"_Ikuto, get a grip!_"

"_Amu…_" He whispered, "My beloved Amu…"

I sighed. Contacting him in his dreams didn't help. At all.

It made things worse.

Ikuto's POV

_Why is it so cold? _I thought as I cried, _Am I imagining things?_

I sighed, and out came more tears. I lay back down on my bed and curled up. My phone starting to ring, but I didn't answer it, so my answering machine did.

"_You've reached Tsukiyomi Ikuto. Unfortunately I can't come to the phone right now. However, you can leave a message and I'll make sure to get back to you,"_ My phone sounded. After the beep, whoever was leaving the message started talking.

"Hey, Ikuto, it's Utau. I just wanted to tell you that I'm coming over with Amu's will. She left you half of her shit. And I wanted you to know that I know you're home, even though you aren't answering your phone. I'll see you soon."

The phone beeped off and I sighed. I didn't really want to look through Amu's will. It was too depressing. I let myself cry more.

_Ikuto, please…_ something whispered. It sounded so much like Amu…

"Amu…" I whispered back, "Is that you?"

I waited for a response, but there wasn't one. I waited still, but I only heard the opening of my front door. _I shouldn't have told Utau where my spare key is,_ I thought.

Utau barged into my room. "I _knew_ you'd be in here," she said. She pulled a folded piece of paper and handed it to me. "I was wrong, Amu didn't leave you half her shit, she left you nearly all of it."

I took the folded piece of paper from her and sat up. I unfolded it and looked inside. It said

_I leave all of my manga and hair stuff to Rima_

_ I leave all of my clothes and posters to Yaya_

_ I leave all of my CDs to Utau_

_ Everything else goes to Ikuto, especially my lock. Make sure he gets that of all things._

I sighed. _Amu… she…_

"Ikuto?" Utau said, breaking my train off thought, "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay, you're lying. I'm not stupid."

"No, really. I'm fine."

"Your eyes are red and puffy and your cheeks are wet," Utau went on, "I don't think that means you're okay."

"_I'm fine, Utau!_" I snapped, shooting my sister a glare.

She stepped back and opened the door behind her. "Sorry," she said, backing out slowly, "I'll just… be going now."

Utau backed out of my room and shut the door. I heard her run down the stairs as fast as she could. I heard her open the front door and slam it shut again, confirming her leave. I sighed and flopped back onto my bed.

_I wish I could be back in that dream, _I thought, _I wish that I could just live there forever, in that world that would never end with Amu. _

I shut my eyes tightly, thinking that I could fall asleep again. Or, even better, that I'd wake up and find out that it had all been part of a horrid nightmare, or a prank. A cruel, evil prank. I jolted them open, hoping to see different scenery. But, that didn't happen. I was stuck in the same stupid nightmare, the same stupid prank, and the same damned depression. I lifted my head up and slammed it back down at the thought of another day without Amu. I repeated this several times, stopping only when I did it so much I got dizzy.

_What am I supposed to do? _I thought, _Go all emo and cut myself?_

I felt a lightbulb blink on in my head as I leaped out of my bed. I had a new idea.

* * *

Ikuto: -has a knife- Where's Merlee?!

Miki: o_o what do you intend on doing with that knife?

Amu: NO! -grabs the knife- YOU ARE _NOT_ GOING EMO!

Merlee: Ikuto, if you're going o go emo, use a razor, at least =_=

Ikuto: That's not what I'm doing! -takes knife back from Amu- _I'm killing you!_

Merlee: O_O!?! What did I do now?!

Ikuto: You made me go all emo! That's not funny T~T

Merlee: -snickers- yes it is xD You already have emo hair

Ikuto: -holds the tip of the knife to Merlee's throat- Shut up, woman.

Merlee: o_o..... -kicks Ikuto's balls- R&R People! :D!

Ikuto: Ow! What the fuck?!


	3. Chapter 3: I'd Die To Know You Love Me

Merlee: Sorry it's been a while T_T It'd have been sooner if I weren't busy typing the rest of this up

Ikuto: So you're actually going to finish this before you post it all?

Merlee: Sorta :P I'm actually typing chapter 6, but you guys will have to wait a little longer for that X)

Ikuto: =_=

Merlee: And this chapter is sorta dramatic X)

Ikuto: o-o I really don't want to know what you mean by that.

Miki: Merlee doesn't own Shugo Chara or it's characters.

Merlee: You didn't add the last part o.o I feel left out.

* * *

Ikuto's POV

I think that the whole situation made me crazy.

Honestly, who other than a crazy person would take their iPod, go to the site of someone's death, and play a song that sounded like it would be played at a funeral? (A/N: Link to the song I'm talking about on my profile. Please play it :D) Did I seriously think that would fix my depression?

I just didn't _know _anymore. In fact, I felt as though _everything _were slipping away from me. I felt like maybe the world didn't really exist, and we all just _thought _it existed. Maybe there was only me in that world, and maybe the whole world was just my imagination. Or maybe _I _didn't exist. Maybe everything was a dream, a nightmare, each of us thinking we existed when we didn't. It was as if there weren't anything there to begin with and never would be. The entire universe was empty, maybe, just a black void in a weird dimension were _everything _was actually _nothing_.

I really was going crazy. Only a crazy person would think things like that. But did I even believe what I thought? Was the depression just taking over my mind and tightening its grip on it? I wished it were all a horrible dream. And I hoped that at any moment, Amu would come jumping out of a nearby bush and yell "Surprise!" or "Fooled you!" But that wasn't possible. Not unless the entire world was taken over by zombies. Amu was dead, and no matter how much I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to deny it for much longer.

Even though I was almost completely lost in my thoughts, I did what I pretty much came to do. I walked over to the monkey bars where Amu had spent her last breaths and thoughts before sending herself into who-knows-where and knew instantly that it was the place where she had been. The blood had been cleaned up and there weren't even flowers in her remembrance since they'd all been placed on her gravestone, but somehow I just got the feeling. It was almost as if Amu were there herself, still hanging upside-down, her will and the note she wrote me in her hands.

I could almost see her there, too, tears running down her face softly, I could almost hear sobs and a small whisper. I could imagine her sliding off the bars and her head hitting the cold pavement with a loud _thud. _I could nearly hear a long, deep breath being let out slowly. A last breath.

And just because nobody else had left any flowers in remembrance yet didn't mean that I wasn't going to. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a deep red rose with a black ribbon around it, similar to the one in _The Phantom of the Opera_. On the ribbon I had put a small note that said, _My beloved Amu, rest in the happiness you always deserved. _I knelt down and placed the rose down gently and adjusted it in a way so it wouldn't blow away as easily. I then sat down, leaning against the side of the monkey bars. I decided that it would be my new spot. Mine and mine only. The last place Amu was, the last place she'd ever be.

I sighed. Why did that last part not sound right? It really didn't seem like it was the last place she was, _or _the last place she'd be. But either way, I knew it was her last place, and I wanted to make sure it was going to be _mine, _too.

It was a pretty good thing that the thought process of a depressed person was obvious and predictable, because I was able to tell what I'd want to do without thinking about it. I reached into the interior pocket in my raincoat and looked up at the gray, cloudy sky; it had been dark and rainy ever since Amu died, and not even a streak of sunlight penetrated the clouds. Almost as if my iPod had a brain and knew what was going on, it switched songs to _Sleep Well, My Angel _by We Are The Fallen. (A/N: Like always, I don't own it. Play for best effect. Link can be found on my profile or you can look it up on youtube.)

_Watching you sleep for so long,_

_Knowing that I can't turn the rain into sun anymore_

_I've given you all that I have,_

_Now I stand here, too scared to hold your hand._

_Afraid you might wake to see_

_The monster that had to leave_

_How fitting, _I thought as I aimed the silvery knife at my stomach.

_'Cause you see the shelter as the storm_

_Holding wind to keep you on,_

_You are everything to me, this is why I have to leave,_

_So sleep well, my angel_.

Without a second thought, I sliced through my stomach with the knife. Right as I did it, I heard what sounded like someone shouting my name, and I was knocked over by _something_, but I couldn't see what. Even as I tried turning my head to see, I couldn't. My vision was fading and my eyes were closing involuntarily.

"_I'm sorry_," I heard someone whisper urgently and shakily, as if they were about to cry, "_I'm sorry I couldn't reach you any sooner._"

Amu's POV

Why couldn't I have been faster? If I had been just a _little _faster, I could have stopped him.

I could feel icy tears roll down my cheeks as I sat next to a dying Ikuto. Somehow, when I tackled him, the earphones flew out of his iPod, turning on its speakers.

_Under the ash and the lies,_

_Something beautiful once here now dies,_

_And the tears burn my eyes,_

_As you sit there, all alone._

_I just want to come home_

I bit my lip and let out another sob. What could I _do? _There had to be something, right? I mean really, I was his guardian angel, so there had to be _something_. Then it hit me. Ikuto had to have brought his cell phone with him, right? I searched all of his pockets until I found it. When I did, I dialed 911 and hoped that my voice could be heard through the phone.

"This is 911. What is your emergency?"

"Uhm, I found this guy in the park and he looks like he's been stabbed…"

Luckily, they could hear me and sent an ambulance, which came almost right away. I stayed next to Ikuto the entire time and gripped his blood-covered hand in mine, careful not to smear any of it with my touch, since I was made up of barely anything more than wind and air.

_But you see the shelter as the storm,_

_Holding wind to keep you on,_

_You are everything to me, this is why I have to leave,_

_So sleep well my angel._

_Sleep well, my angel._

In the emergency room, the doctors decided that they had to do an immediate operation on him and rushed him into the OR. The doctors worked carefully and as best they could, I could tell they were trying their hardest, but I didn't know if it would be enough. I sat in the corner of the room, lucky for _once _that I couldn't be seen, watching the doctors work, holding my hands together, praying. I couldn't help but feel responsible. Not only could I not move fast enough, but also I was pretty sure that Ikuto had tried killing himself because of _me. _

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

After a long while, the doctors were done, and Ikuto was emitted into a room in the intensive care unit. Even there I refused to leave his side, lying down next to him. From what I could tell, he was going to live. And that was as much as I could ask for. It was the _only _thing I was asking for at the moment. Sure, if Ikuto _did _die, we could be together again, but I didn't _want _him to die. That was the _last _thing I wanted.

_You see the shelter as the storm,_

_Holding wind to keep you on,_

You are everything to me, this is why

I tried my best not to start crying again, because Ikuto would have heard my sobs and woken up, and he needed to rest for as long as he could so his body could heal. I bit my quivering lip and shut my eyes tightly, determined not to let out a single tear. But that didn't work. Within a matter of seconds, tears were rolling down my face.

_You see the shelter as the storm,_

_Holding wind to keep you on,_

_You are everything to me, this is why I have to leave_

_So sleep well, my angel._

_Sleep well, my angel. _

I let out more tears and eventually I started sobbing. I took my hand and bit down in it to try and stop myself, squinting my eyes tightly, and it worked a little, but not much. I opened my eyes again, and through tears I looked into Ikuto's face. He didn't look peaceful and gentle like one would expect; he looked pained and troubled instead. I guess that was reasonable, considering the circumstances, but it still didn't seem right.

And then, Ikuto opened his eyes and sat up a little in the hospital bed. He looked even _more _troubled then he did when he was asleep. I sighed, seeing that there wasn't much to be done in this case, at least out of the things I _could _do. Well, I _could _turn on the radio on his bedside table to try and get his mind off of the situation, but he'd notice that way too easily and even one sad song could send his emotions spiraling downward.

Then the doctor walked by and saw that Ikuto was awake. I didn't have to worry anymore.

Well, not _as _much.

Ikuto's POV

The first thought I had when I was waking up was _where the hell am I and how the hell did I get here? _But then, when a guy in a white coat or scrubs or whatever they are walked in, it was made obvious. I was in the hospital, and whoever had shouted my name had called the ambulance. But _who _was it that had called my name? How could they have been able to stay out of my vision even after they knocked me down?

"Hey, uh, it's Tsukiyomi Ikuto, right? Well, how are yo-"

"How did I get here? Who called the ambulance?" Maybe it _was _rude to interrupts the doctor who probably saved my life, but I figured that it was the best time to ask. Not to mention that I really didn't want to answer anyone else's questions.

The doctor shrugged. "We don't know. It was a girl who called, we know that, but the driver said that once they got there, it was only you."

I sighed.

"But she probably saved your life in more ways than just dialing 911. From the way you were laying, it looked like someone had tackled you after you were stabbed, and if you _hadn't _been, the knife would be in a fatal position and would have killed you. And it only makes sense that it'd be the girl who called."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"Either that, or it was you guardian angel."

I glared at the doctor. "Only kids believe in angels," I snapped.

The doctor shrugged. "Just saying," he said, and left the room.

_Guardian angels, _I thought, rolling my eyes, _was he serious?_

But, after a while, I doubted my own words. Guardian angels… could there be such a thing? Was there any possibility that _I _had a guardian angel? No, of course not. It wasn't possible. There was no way.

But then again if shugo charas existed, then why not guardian angels?

I shook my head and looked around the room. First, I took a look out the window, then the TV mounted on the wall, then at the schedule that told when they served breakfast, lunch, and dinner, then at Amu-

_Amu? _

I didn't blink as I stared at the figure lying beside me. All I could do was stare into those bright, sunny eyes. She sure did _look _like Amu, or at least the way she looked when I dreamed about her the night before. But there wasn't any way it _could _be… it just _couldn't _have been her.

I blinked, shutting my eyes tightly and opening then slowly just to prove to myself that she couldn't have been there. And sure enough, when I opened them, she wasn't there anymore. My eyes had tricked me, I was sure. I wanted to see her so badly that my mind produced a spitting image of her and I _thought _I saw her. It was the only logical explanation, right?

Right.

* * *

Merlee: DON'T HATE ME FOR THIS CHAPTER! T_T

Ikuto: =_= I hate you for this chapter.

Merlee: I wasn't talking to you =_= I already knew you hated me.I was talking to my readers :P

Ikuto: =_= -takes out a knife and attempts to stab Merlee-

Merlee: ANYWAY! PEOPLE! I swear that there is a perfectly good explanation for Ikuto's actions that will be explained later in the story! Don't hate me T_T -stabs Ikuto with a fork before he can stab me-

Ikuto: OW!

Merlee: R&R!


	4. Chapter 4: Shards of Me

Merlee: I quite honestly have no idea what to say about this chapter -_-

Ikuto: I take it that that's a bad thing.

Merlee: Pretty much. So, I have a riddle for everyone. It begins with "c" and ends with "y"

Random person: CANDY? :D?

Merlee: O_O Who the hell is that? -shoots the random person-

Random person: X_X

Miki: Merlee doesn't own Shugo Chara. She just likes to shoot random people.

Merlee: Got that right. -stabs Ikuto with a fork-

Ikuto: Do you always have to do that?

Merlee: Mhm.

* * *

Ikuto's POV

After a while, the doctors said I was doing well and let a few people visit me. I got a few visits from some of my friends at school and, of course, Utau, who decided to bring Yoru along with her.

"_What did you think you were doing?_" She yelled at me, "_You could have __**died!**_"

I sighed. "That was kind of the point, Utau."

She just shook her head as if she were ashamed. Well, at least she was over her brother complex now that she was dating Kukai. "So I guess you're suicidal now. Just because Amu killed herself doesn't mean you-"

"I know what you're going to say, but _don't. _You wouldn't understand."

She shut her eyes tightly. "_Don't _think that. She was _my _friend too, you know."

I didn't want to point it out to her, but to tell the truth, I wasn't saying they weren't friends. Amu was much more than just a friend to me; she was my _world_. "Let's put it this way, then. If _Kukai _were to kill himself, what would you do?"

She didn't say anything for a moment. "I wouldn't kill myself, if that's what you mean."

"You sure about that?"

She was about to shoot back a retort when Yoru jumped into the conversation. "Ikuto, nya! Are you feeling any better, nya?"

Of course I wasn't feeling any better. "I'm fine, Yoru. Just fine."

"No you aren't, nya! Don't lie, nya!"

"I am. And I don't mean to be rude or anything, but could you two go? I just want to be alone right now."

Utau sighed. "Alright, we'll go. But, here," she pulled something out of her pocket and threw it on my bed. It didn't take me long to realize it was the humpty lock. _Amu's _lock. "Everything else she left you is at your house," she continued, "but I figured you'd want that, at least."

I tired not to cry as I picked the lock up by it's delicate chain, examined it for a moment, then set it on the bedside table. "I, uh, thanks, Utau. And thanks for calling the ambulance when I… yeah."

She raised an eyebrow. "_I _didn't call an ambulance. This is the first time I've seen you since this morning when I handed you Amu's will." With a confused look on her face, she walked out of the room, Yoru reluctantly following behind her, and closed the door.

That was weird. If it wasn't Utau, then who could have called the ambulance? It could have always been someone I didn't know, but I kind of doubted that anyone would have gone that far for someone else in this day and age. I would have considered that Yoru had followed me out of the house even though I told him to stay put and called.

And whoever called _had _to be the same person who called my name and knocked me down, who I wasn't fortunate enough to see, but I was positive it wasn't Yoru. Not only had the doctor said it was a girl's voice, but I'm pretty sure Yoru couldn't have tackled me like that. It could have been one of my friends from school, I guessed, but I didn't have many girls as friends, and I don't think any of them would have knocked me down. And if they did, I would have seen them. And none of them would have had any business in the park, either.

The only other option was one that I really didn't want to believe.

My guardian angel.

But, _no_, that just wasn't possible. I didn't even want to try considering it. Angels were figments of stories and imaginations made for kids to comfort them when they were sad. There was no way that a dead person, no matter who, could follow someone around and protect them no matter what except for in stories. And stories for kids, at that. I didn't have a guardian angel; _nobody _had a guardian angel. Guardian angels, or angels in general, didn't exist. There was no such thing. Everything that happened to me happened because of dumb luck. Sheer dumb luck.

Then why was I so doubtful of my own reasoning? Was I beginning to believe in silly, childish things like the doctor did? Or was my brain just out of whack because of the stab? Because of Amu's death? I kind of hoped it was the second one, and I would have been okay and understanding if it were the last one, but I had a feeling it was the first one.

_What's gotten into me? _I wondered, _First I start hearing voices, then I try and kill myself- which was incredibly stupid- __**then **__I thought I saw Amu's ghost or something, and __**now **__I'm starting to believe in stuff that I denied completely by the time I was two. If I didn't know better, I'd say that I __**am **__a little kid again. A little, suicidal, schizophrenic, kid. _

I sighed, refusing to believe I was schizo. Amu's death was just getting at my brain, that was all. And I would have bet that it would get better once my stab healed. My life would be back to normal soon, with or without Amu. All I needed was tim-

My thought process was cut short by the sound of… the sound of…

Crying?

Yep, it was crying, alright. After looking around the room a couple of times and checking to make sure the radio hadn't switched on, I guessed that it came from a room next to me. But, no, the door was closed and I wouldn't be able to hear sobs through the thick hospital walls. But there wasn't anybody else in the room with me, and two words jumped into my mind.

Guardian angel.

And right after that, another word popped in my head.

_Schizophrenic_.

I sighed. It could have been a practical joke, I guessed, and it was the kind of things one of my friends would do. They probably left some kind of speakers in my room or had one of them sneak under my bed when I wasn't looking or something to freak me out.

And whoever thought of it was a genius, 'cause it was working.

"Hello?" I called out, making sure nobody else was in the room. I heard a gasp, then silence, then the sobs started back up again.

Definitely not a prank.

I shook my head and closed my eyes, wanting the sobs to just go away, but that, of course, didn't happen. Maybe if I fell asleep again…

I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep, but the crying kept me awake. I opened my eyes again with a sigh but wished I hadn't almost immediately. There she was, her sunny eyes brimming with tears and lips trembling. Amu was kneeling beside my bed, crying her eyes out. But she didn't make a single sound… weird…

"Amu?" I whispered, moving my hand toward her cheek. Before I could, though, she shrank away and disappeared. It wasn't a gradual thing, either. She was there one moment, and then she was gone.

And in the same instant that she vanished, the sobbing started up again.

And those same words popped in my head again. 

_Guardian angel. _

_Schizophrenic._

I shut my eyes again for a moment. I had to be dreaming… I _had _to be dreaming… I didn't see Amu just now, and I didn't hear her crying. And to make it all better, maybe I hadn't stabbed myself. Or better yet, Amu wasn't dead at all. I was dreaming, and it all seemed realistic. Kind of like a more realistic version of Alice in Wonderland.

I wondered on the thought some more. Maybe it _was _like Alice in Wonderland. Maybe if I ate a special cake, I wouldn't grow, but Amu would come back to life instead. And maybe there was a tea party with a mad man and a rabbit and mouse. And a queen who wanted to paint the roses red and take everybody's heads. Just maybe...

I built my own version of Lewis Carol's classic story as I drifted off into a deep sleep.

Amu's POV

I tried not to cry anymore as I sank into the corner of the hospital room. Ikuto… He hadn't _seen _me, had he? He couldn't have. There was no way that he could unless he had gotten a sixth sense, and I knew he didn't have a sixth sense because he hadn't seen me before.

But I didn't have a doubt in my mind that he saw me.

So… how?

I ran through all the possibilities in my mind. _Well, when he stabbed himself he could have gotten a sixth sense, like maybe he __**did **__die for a split second. But… if that was the case, I would have felt him die, and I didn't… _

I sighed mentally. Nothing was adding up. Or maybe he hadn't really seen me at all.

Well, there was only one way to find out if he had seen me or not.

After I stopped crying, which took a while, I went back over to Ikuto's bedside to find that he was sleeping. Seeing that, the thought jumped into my mind to enter his dream and talk to him there, but I cast the thought out of my mind as soon as I could. I already risked that once, and I didn't want to risk it again unless it was absolutely necessary, and it wasn't in this case. I guess I really couldn't find out if he had seen me or not.

I knelt down beside him and watched him as he slept, asking myself over and over again why I decided to give up a guy so amazing, a guy willing to _kill _himself for me, just because I was depressed. It was incredibly stupid of me to do something like that. I _loved _him, and he loved me, and I threw it all away.

I sighed and the door to Ikuto's room opened, and in walked a doctor. I kissed Ikuto's cheek and backed away so the doctor wouldn't feel unusually cold when he walked by. I sat on the windowsill nearby instead, watching closely.

_Amu,_ something whispered. I knew it was Biku, the spirit in charge of all off the guardian angels, and the spirit who had assigned me as Ikuto's guardian angel when I died. _It's about time we had a talk. _

I looked out the window to see a bright light in the parking lot that swirled around like snow; the only physical form of Biku that angels were allowed to see; living people couldn't see her at all even if they had a sixth sese.. Sometimes I wondered why she was so secretive, and how she could communicate from so far away, but I knew that I wouldn't ever be able to find out, so I left those questions unasked.

"But…" I whispered back, glancing over at Ikuto, "I need to stay by Ikuto at all times…"

At first, I didn't know if Biku had heard me. But then I was certain that she had when I heard a girlish giggle.

_He'll be fine for a moment. The doctor is in there with him, right? _

I sighed, taking one last look at Ikuto as he started to wake up. I watched for a moment, listening to their conversation.

"Tsukiyomi-san, I just wanted to tell you that you're free to go."

Ikuto nodded and rubbed his eyes. "Alright, alright. By the way, do you know any therapists around?"

I covered my mouth. So Ikuto thought he was _crazy? _Maybe it'd be best if I didn't try and talk to him anymore.

I took another look out the window at the glowing, swirling light, then back at Ikuto. When neither him nor the doctor were looking, I opened the window just enough to squeeze through and made my way down to Biku.

_He'll be fine, _Biku whispered almost as if she knew I was unsure. I just nodded.

"So… what do you need to tell me?"

_There are a few things you need to know about the process of reincarnation. _

I gulped. I had nearly forgotten about what I was told when I first became Ikuto's guardian angel.

_And, a few things you need to do to keep Ikuto safe._

I gulped again. There were things I wasn't told about protecting Ikuto?

_Especially keeping him sane. _

So Ikuto really _did _think he was crazy. If I could help in any way, I'd do it.

"Tell me," I said, "Tell me everything."

* * *

Merlee: So many mysteries O_ o Alas, what shall happen next?

Ikuto: You fail at Shakespeare =_=

Merlee: -stabs with a fork- You fail at everything D:{

Ikuto: OW! Really, why the hell do you do that?

Merlee: 'cause... I dunno.

Ikuto: =_=

Merlee: REVIEW PEOPLE! I LOVE REVIEWS!


	5. Chapter Five: I Feel I've Been Lied to

Merlee: I don't feel like making a long intro (for ONCE) so I'm just getting on with this...

As you all SHOULD know by now, I don't own Shugo Chara or any of the characters. I'm merely a pervert who likes to write about it.

* * *

Ikuto's POV

I popped open the pill bottle and poured myself a glass of water. I really shouldn't have gone to the therapist. How were pills supposed to help me?

_Flashback_

"_Well, Tsukiyomi-san," The therapist said, flipping through a stack of papers, "We've come to a conclusion."_

_ I sat up in the uncomfortable chair. "And that would be…?" _

_ The therapist sighed. "Well, you're schizophrenic."_

_ I slumped back down in my chair with a groan. Well, at least it wasn't a guardian angel._

_ Not that it was any better, but still._

_ "While there isn't a cure for schizophrenia," the therapist went on, "there is a way we can make your symptoms less noticeable."_

_ I sat back up again. "How?" I asked him, thinking that he would say something about a long-term therapy plan._

_ "There's a special medication made just for schizophrenia that you can take. One pill every day for the rest of your life. Nothing too extreme."_

_ I slumped back in the chair again. __**Pills? Really? One every day for the rest of my life. How is that **__**not**__** extreme? **_

_ "Or you could stay at a group home for a while instead."_

_ I sighed. "Give me those pills, doc."_

_End Flashback _

And that's how I got into the sick mess.

I sighed and took a pill out of the bottle, staring at it in disgust when I set it into my palm. It was an ugly little thing. Not that it looked any different from other pills, I just didn't want to take it.

"Okay," I said aloud, "I need to do this."

Glaring at the little pill, I took a large drink of water, then placed the pill inside my mouth, and swallowed. I started coughing right after. It tasted nasty. I wondered at that moment how anybody could be addicted to prescription medicines when they tasted that bad.

Well, it was better than a group home.

And _waaaay _better than a straight jacket and padded room.

Shaking my head, I walked out of the kitchen and plopped down on my living room couch and turned on the TV. Even if I _was _schizophrenic, I should be able to live a life no different than anyone else, right? I had to have had schizophrenia- even just a little- before all this _stuff _happened, and I lived normally then, so I should be able to live normally after it got worse, right? I mean, I'd been this way all my life, right? Schizophrenia didn't just pop up one day and take its toll.

Right?

Right.

Bot for some reason, I just couldn't believe that I was schizophrenic; I was starting to doubt what I'd been told. But the only other explanation was one that I really, really, really, really, _really _wanted to dismiss.

A guardian angel.

And maybe that _Amu _was my guardian angel. It would have made since; Amu was dead, and she was always one for helping people, and in that note she said she loved me _and _that she'd watch over me. That was enough reason to become someone's guardian angel, right?

But that just wasn't possible. There were no such things. And as much as I _did _want to think that Amu was watching over me, I wouldn't let myself.

Trying to take my mind off of things, I changed the channel. And, of course, a soap opera came on, with some girl dying and a crying guy at her side. I rolled my eyes and tried changing the channel again, and it turned onto a car chase. I watched that until the cars collided and the cops found a family dead in one car and a drunk driver in the other. I changed the channel again.

And I found a news story about a kid that killed himself in a different town.

I turned off the TV and threw the remote down.

Since it was obvious that I wasn't going to be able to get my mind off of anything, I decided that maybe that was best, not getting Amu off my mind, that is. Maybe, if I kept Amu in my mind all the time, my schizophrenia would become less and less. And a good thing to do that was to start going through the things she left me.

Utau wasn't kidding; Amu really _had _left me nearly everything. I had her dresser, her jewelry box, a lot of photo albums from the house, and other little trinkets that I probably wouldn't usually care about.

But they were Amu's. That was all that mattered.

So I started going through it all. Whoever had gone through Amu's things had cleared out a lot of things out f her dresser, I guessed because most of what filled it would have been clothing. But there was one thing that they didn't take with them, and I was glad they didn't. In the bottom of the drawer, there sat something I'm sure Amu used everyday. It was her diary. To any other person, it was probably unimportant, but to me it was everything I needed to know about Amu. All of her thoughts, feelings, everything about her packed into something smaller than a school textbook. Too me, it was more intriguing and interesting than the world's greatest mystery novel.

I picked it up eagerly and saw it didn't have a lock. It was actually something like a binder that Amu had put all of her entries in. I opened up the first page, and written on the page was Amu's first entry in a child's handwriting from long before I met her. I guessed that she would have been around four at the time. I smirked, thinking of what a four-year-old Amu would have looked like.

For hours, I sat reading through all of her diary. I laughed whenever she wrote about something embarrassing that happened to her, anything that I found funny. I felt an urge to hug the papers in front of me anytime something bad happened to her. I smirked any time she wrote about something perverted I'd said to her. It was almost as if Amu were there again, telling me everything about her and her life.

But then, I got to the day when her parents and sister got in the accident and died. Her entry was the saddest thing I'd read so far.

_Dear Diary, _

_The absolute worst thing happened today. I really do mean the worst. My mom, my dad, and even Ami are dead. __**Dead**__. Gone. While I was at school, they were heading out of town for the day, and a drunk driver hit them. Not only that, but I came out of school, and there was a police car to tell me the news and it caused a big scene at the school. "Why" was the only word I could think of. I ran from the school, tears in my eyes. I ran home as soon as I could and locked myself in my room even though I knew there was nobody to come in. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay there much longer, though. I knew that they'd send me to an orphanage. I wish I had someplace to go. I could always ask Rima or Yaya if they could ask their parents if I could stay, but I doubt their parents would let me. I wish there were at least somewhere else I could go instead of an orphanage. It's the only choice I have, though. Someplace. Anyplace. It doesn't matter where, just not an orphanage. But that won't happen. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't even know if I can live anymore, but I'll try. _

_Love,_

_Amu_

I almost started crying. She could have always stayed with me. Why hadn't she asked? No, that wasn't the problem. She didn't _want _to ask anyone. She didn't want to be a burden if she didn't have to be. I should have offered it. If only it had crossed my mind, if only I weren't so stupid. If I _had _given her a place to stay, maybe she'd still be alive.

Despite the guilt and wrench in my stomach, and the tears jerking out of my eyes, I read on. Her entries kept getting worse, and more depressing. One of them crushed my heart.

_Dear Diary,_

_I really don't think I can live anymore. I haven't been going to school any these past few days either. I don't want to talk to any of my classmates. I actually don't want to talk to anyone. Well, I wouldn't say that, actually. I want to talk to Ikuto. I've been waiting for him to drop by since the accident, but he hasn't. I wish he would, though, I think he's about the only person who can make me feel better right now. I would laugh at the thought any other time, but I see now that I love him. I wish I could tell him, I wish I could see him, but I don't think he's coming to see me. Maybe he doesn't care about me. But I need him right now. I don't think I've ever needed anyone or anything more than I need Ikuto. His smirk, his teasing, everything. If he'd at least come over, just once, I wouldn't feel so down. But I guess he isn't coming. I could always ask, but I don't want to bother him. Besides, I don't know __**how **__to ask without sounding completely desperate. Well, I guess I am desperate, but I don't want him to know that. I just want him to hold me, to tell me everything was going to be all right, that he'd always be there for me, and for him to __**kiss **__me .I bet his lips would be soft and warm, but yet firm and cold. And would taste like mint toothpaste… I'm melting just thinking about it… Wait… what am I even __**saying? **__Okay… that's probably the most embarrassing thing I've ever thought of. But I really do need him. I need him more than anything._

_Amu_

My heart shattered. I thought about going to see Amu, but I figured I was the last person she wanted to see, and that she'd want to be alone. But she _wanted _me to see her. She _**needed **_me to see her. She should have asked, called me, something to let me know she needed me. I would have gladly held her if I knew she wanted it. I should have gone to see her even if she didn't ask. That was all she wanted, all she needed. She needed _me. _

I kept reading, each of her entries lamenting about me not going to see her. Guilt filled my mind, my brain, my stomach, everywhere. Her last entry, though, was the worst.

_Dear diary,_

_I can't take it anymore. The loneliness is too much, the grief, the pain. They said they would be taking me to the orphanage tomorrow morning, so I know that I wont be able to see Ikuto ever again because the orphanage won't let people in unless they're adopting, and I don't really want Ikuto to __**adopt **__me. Besides, I don't even think he could help me anymore. I tried remembering all the good things that happened to me, especially everything about Ikuto, but it didn't help. It's pretty obvious to me now that he doesn't care about me anymore. Nobody cares about me._

_That's why I've made my choice. Tonight, as soon as I finish writing this all down, I'm killing myself. I just can't take it anymore. There's nothing left for me in life, nothing. But, there's still something I have to do. I have to tell Ikuto that I love him, that I always loved him. I won't be able to tell him before I die, so I've written him a note. I also gave him almost everything I own in a will, so that means he's probably going to read this. _

_So, Ikuto, if you __**are**__ reading this, I'm going to tell you again. I love you. I've always loved you. No matter how much I wanted to deny it, you've always had a special place in my heart. I know that you never came when I needed you most, but I forgive you for that. I forgive you for not caring about me anymore. I love you, Ikuto. And thank you so much for the wonderful memories. _

_Amu_

Tears overflowed in my eyes, rolling down my cheeks violently and nonstop, making my cheeks soaking wet. I tried to stop crying, but I couldn't. The tears just wouldn't stop. I kept thinking of Amu, and the thousand ways I could have saved her life and any way that I could have made her feel better. I could have done everything for her. Everything. I never did, though. I never helped her, even though I could, even though I wanted to. Why _hadn't _I? It could have saved us both a lot off trouble, and _everyone _a lot of tears. If I had known that she needed me that badly, how much she wanted me, and that she loved me a lot, I would have. I wish I had now. But it was too late. I couldn't redo anything. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't.

I sank down on the floor, holding my hands up to my eyes, trying to stop crying. I couldn't. It was the most I'd ever cried in my entire life. Not only was Amu dead, but there was I way I could have stopped her from dying, and I never did it. Knowing that made everything worse.

Still in tears, I reached into my pocket and pulled out Amu's lock and set it in the palm of my hand. I don't know if it were the fact that it were Amu's once, the fact that it was almost beautiful enough to blind me, but it felt as though I had set a small version of Amu in my hands. I gripped it so tightly that my hand started to hurt.

I was starting to think that maybe if I did this enough, maybe she'd come back. But of course not. That was stupid of me to think that. Well, more likely to be crazy with the damned schizophrenia. It was getting hard to tell whether or not I was being crazy or just down right stupid. Either way, it was impossible. But I wanted to believe it nonetheless.

When she didn't show up- not that I _really _expected her to- I put the lock on her dresser right on top of the small sheet of paper sitting there.

Wait…

That paper wasn't there before.

And my name was written on it.

What. The. Hell.

_Well, I could just be imagining the whole thing, _I thought, _but it's worth a look._

I picked up the note. When I did, though, the ink that my name was written in smudged, meaning that it had been written recently.

_Very _recently.

What in the…?

Well, whatever. I opened up the folded note and I was reminded immediately of what had happened the night Amu died. It was all in her handwriting again and it was on the same type of paper, and the gist of the message was the same as it was then, and the same as the one from my dream.

_I'm really sorry, Ikuto. You shouldn't be going through any of this. What I did was selfish, and I understand that now. I shouldn't have done to you what was done to me. I shouldn't have put you through all the same things I went through. It isn't your fault. Don't feel guilty because of my selfishness and stupidity; don't blame yourself because you didn't help me. I shouldn't have ever thought you didn't care about me, because you did. If you still care, and I know that you do, then realize that you aren't crazy. You're fine. You're better than fine. You're amazing. You're the most amazing guy I've ever known. _

I looked down at the paper blankly. It ended right there with no signature, but I could guess that it was Amu.

But she was _dead_.

And to help her, I had to realize that I wasn't crazy.

…And the note helped with that theory _how_?

I just shook my head, folded the paper, placed it and Amu's lock into my pocket gently, wiped my eyes one last time, and walked off. Before, I doubted Amu was my guardian angel, and I still wanted to. But I wasn't so sure any more. It was kind of obvious that I was either imagining it or Amu really _was_ my guardian angel, and neither one I was too keen on wanting to believe. Half of my mind wanted to believe the first one, but the other half wanted to believe the second one, and it was louder than the first half.

And if my guess was right, then the writing on the piece of paper was really there. And if I had to help Amu by realizing I _wasn't _crazy, then I must not have been crazy, right? Right. So then I _wasn't _crazy after all. But the whole thing could have just been a part of the schizophrenia and determination not to be crazy. But the ink on the outside smudged, and I don't think that my crazy mind would have _wanted _it to be smudged.

I sighed. There was really only one way that I could really figure it out, only one person I could go to that might actually be able to help me. Sure, she had a habit of stabbing people, but she'd probably be the only one who wouldn't think I was crazy.

Merlee.

* * *

Merlee: Yeah... no long outro either XD REVIEW MY PEOPLES! DO IT!

P.s.: I totally _am_ bringing myself into next chapter XD BEWARE OF THE FORKS!


	6. Update Delay Apology

Sorry for not updating lately T_T the charger for my laptop went kaplooey and there's 0 charge on my laptop, so I have to use the desktop computer which has a shitty keyboard and no spellchecker, and I love my spellchecker. I'll try and get some stuff done with this shitty keyboard and lack of spellchecker, but I can't guarantee much... so it'll be a while before I can post. Sorry T_T


	7. Chapter Six: Like a lost ghost

Merlee: Oh my God you guys I'm sooooooo sorry about the super-late update thing! Once I got my laptop un-fri-ified I went looking for my notebook and I couldn't find it for months and months and I just got it back today because KEIRA stole it and she and Ivan went to Japan because their birthday was just recently on Halloween and I had totally forgotten they were twins until like a month ago and they just got back earlier today so I spent like my entire afternoon finishing this and typing it all up so it kind of sucks! DX

Ikuto: Whoa run-on much.

Merlee: SHUDDAP YOU! -stabs Ikuto with a fork-

Ikuto: OW! Would you _stop _that?

Merlee: NO!

Miki: Merlee doesn't own Shugo Chara. She's m-

Merlee: -stabs Miki with a fork- SHUDDAP! THEY'VE WAITED LONG ENOUGH!

* * *

Ikuto's POV

I didn't walk out of the door. I ran, and even _that _would be a complete understatement. I wasn't sure how Merlee could help, but I knew she could somehow. She always seemed to know what to do and when, even if it weren't the kind of thing she'd do. And she wouldn't think I was crazy, either. She used to be completely into strange phenomena and would get all excited whenever somebody told her about something like this.

But I had no idea where she'd be.

I looked everywhere I could. Down alleys, around every corner, in the windows of every store, over every fence.

But I couldn't find that stupid girl anywhere.  
I stopped to catch my breath in the park by a wall that separated one part of the park from another. I felt like I was about to fall over, but I didn't for some reason. It was like someone were holding me up and preventing me from falling. And it was cold. Cold even though it were July.

"You looking for someone?" A voice sounded from overhead. I looked up. Of course she'd show up when I was about to give up. She _always _showed up at either the most convenient or inconvenient times. Merlee was standing on the wall in a kind of crouch, looking somewhat bored. "And if you are, would that someone happen to be me?" She jumped down from the wall.

I rolled my eyes. "How'd you know?"

She smiled sheepishly and let out a mischievous giggle. "I wrote it. Like I usually do."

Of course…

"So what do you need this time? A dozen roses? Directions? Those guns you left in the states? Those were fourteen double action pistols, you know. Good guns."

"Uh, what?"

She laughed at an inside joke. "Oh, nothing. I wrote those too. But you don't know that, obviously, since you're just a character."

"What are you _talking _about?"

She only laughed again. "Let me guess, you think you're crazy this time, right?"

"I suppose you wrote _that_ too?"

"Actually, I did. Anyway, why do you think you're crazy? Don't answer that. I wrote it anyways. I'll just give you the cure right now and make you forget about this conversation completely and save myself from typing out another one of my insane monologues." She reached into her pocket, pulled out a paper, and handed it to me.

"This is…?" I wondered aloud, taking a look at the paper.

"Just something I wrote back at the West Baden. You didn't know it, but I had room 115, which was on the other side of your room. I mean really, how else could I document everything so perfectly otherwise?"

"The West _what?_"

"Bah, what am I saying? Of course you don't know about that! I'm getting stories confused again. At least I wasn't in Rosamaria, otherwise there'd be a big problem."

"What-"

"Anyway, that paper holds the answer to your insanity. Read it or the whole story will be ruined!"

"Aha!" I exclaimed, "That's a metaphor, right? You're saying that my life is like a story."

She scoffed. "That's not what I'm saying. You're life _is _just a story, but it's technically not the story that I'm talking about. I'm talking about the story we're in right now, not the story that just ended. And you didn't even kiss her! What a rip off! Jynx agrees with me on that one!"

"Uh-"

"And the nose doesn't count!" She stabbed me with a fork. Where did she even _hide _those things at when she wasn't using them?

"Ah, sorry, you don't know about that, either. It must be hard being a character," She started to walk off, but stopped herself. "Oh yeah! Almost forgot!" She handed me a CD. "You have to listen to this, too! That's important!"

I took it. "You're-"

"Don't say it, I already know I'm confusing you. Just be glad I'm not getting my original fiction mixed up in this. Hoo boy, _that _would be confusing! _Nobody _would know what I was talking about then!"

"Ori-"

"Seeya, David!" She yelled, jumping back over the wall again and out of sight.

"_David?_"

She popped her head over the wall again with a puzzled look, then started laughing. Maybe _she _was the crazy one. "Looks like I got my original fiction mixed in anyway! Sorry! And don't forget about your concert at the gazebo on Friday!"

"Okay… _what?_"

She slapped herself in the forehead. "_Never mind! _By the way, the girl you're _really _looking for is right there." She pointed at an empty space next to me and disappeared behind the wall.

Though Merlee was confusing, crazy, and made little sense, I knew what she meant in that last statement.

She was talking about Amu.

After that, I ran home eagerly and popped in the CD. Guh, Owl City. Oh well. I set it on shuffle, not really looking foreword to such peppy music at a time like this, but Merlee said I had to listen to it, so…

Buh. I took the piece of paper out and flopped down on my bed. I took Amu's lock out of my pocket, gazing at it. I kissed it lightly, wishing that it were Amu herself and thinking only of her before putting it around my neck.

And I nearly ripped the paper Merlee had given me after reading the first line.

_Guardian Angels are always with you. _(A/N: Whoooaaa reminds me of the first manga! XD)

_Seriously? __**That **__again? _Despite my thoughts, I continued reading.

_Guardian Angels are always with you. No matter what. It's their sworn duty to protect you from any harm or death. _

I tried not to think about the incident that landed me in the hospital.

_Most of the time, your guardian angel is picked at random. Sometimes, however, very rarely, your guardian angel is a loved one that has passed away. _

Rarely?

_This usually happens because that person died tragically, most commonly suicide, and loved someone very much. Wanted them more than anything, wanted their comfort and love, but never wanted to show it or ask because they were afraid it would never be returned. _

An emotional lid burst open as I thought about Amu's diary entries from before she died, and a rainstorm of tears rolled down my cheeks violently. My eyes became so numb that I could barely feel them.

_People without a sixth sense can't see their guardian angel, but they may feel a slight breeze when touched by them, even though there is no wind. In rare cases, they can hear their voices if their guardian angel is trying to speak with them._

Amu's whispers.

_It is said that there is a way to see your guardian angel without a sixth sense, but this is unconfirmed due to lack of data and an inability to test this theory. _

The paper ended there.

For a moment, I paused, matching all of the things in Merlee's paper with everything that had happened one more time. Then…

I crumpled thee paper into a ball and threw it into the corner across the room, curling up into a small sphere and staring blankly at the wall of my room.

I didn't care how much sense it made, it was obvious that Merlee was playing a trick on me. She wanted to make me think I wasn't crazy so I'd go around repeating everything that was in the paper and either land myself in the psyche ward or start one of those crazy cults her and her friend Jynx liked to start randomly. How dare she use my pain for her amuse-

I stopped thinking for a moment when the song Meteor Shower came on. I actually kind of liked that song. It was calm, soothing, and the tempo reminded me of a sudden peace I'd never experienced. It was like no other song I'd ever heard before. (A/N: No, I sadly don't own it. PLAY IT! THE LINK IS ON MY PROFILE! THE FORKS ARE COMMANDING YOU TO LISTEN TO IT!)

After the first twenty-some second of listening to it, though, a blinding bright light appeared about two meters in front of me. As I squinted to get a better look at it, it turned into a familiar, beautiful shape.

Amu.

Her formally golden eyes were glistening like snow when the sun shined on it faintly, and had turned into a pale yellow color, like a gallon of water with just a small hint of lemonade. Her skin was pale, like it had been airbrushed with snow. Her hair was down, unlike the way it had been up in my dream, and it even seemed longer than it had when she was alive. And she looked… different somehow.

But even though she looked different, it was her. I knew it.

_I can finally see_

_That you're right here beside me_

I sprang up out of bed and took a small step toward her and stopping, my jaw dropped slightly. She appeared to be taller, too.

"Amu?' I whispered, "Is that… really you?"

Her lips trembled into a faint, fragile, and angelic smile as she nodded and ran up to me, folding her arms around my neck as she collapsed into me and buried her face into my shoulder. I gladly wrapped my arms around her waist in return, every inch of her unearthly pale skin as cold as ice.

_I am not my own_

_For I have been made new_

_Please don't let me go_

_I desperately need you_

The short song ended, but Amu was still there. Strangely, she was jerking around, like someone who was coughing, but and thought she made no sound, I realized what was happening.

"Are you… crying?" I asked her in a low whisper, barely audible to even myself.

She looked up at me, moving her head in a gentle way and keeping her grip on my neck tight. Tears were streaming from her eyes like rivers, meaning that she had indeed been crying, and she yet again tried to smile. She unwrapped her arms from around my neck and resting her hands on my chest gently, looking at her lock that rested there silently. She touched it with the tip of her finger lightly, still trying her best to smile. But her lip quivered, and her delicate smile crumbled without leaving any evidence of it's existence. She looked back up at me, her pale eyes unfocused and wandering.

I pulled her close to me, smelling her hair and running my fingers through it. She was really there, I knew it and I couldn't deny it. There was no way, even with schizophrenia, that I could imagine an almost forsaken scent of strawberry shampoo or the fine texture of her hair. And there was no way someone could do this in a prank of some sort. Amu had been watching over me the entire time. She'd kept every promise she'd said in her note.

But she was crying uncontrollably. Something was wrong, something other then the fact that she was dead and I was alive. Something was making her cry like that, and it wasn't the surreal feeling of the moment.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, though I already knew the answer.

She just shook her head and shrugged, holding a strong grip on my shirt.

"Can you tell me what's wrong?"

She simply shook her head again.

"Why not?"

She didn't say anything, and she didn't move an inch.

To me, that was a significant answer in itself.

"You can't talk, can you?"

She shook her head, meaning that no, she couldn't.

"But… I could hear you before."

She shrugged.

I let out a deep sigh, and a strange feeling came over me. "Well, that doesn't matter," I told her, cupping her cold cheek in my hand, "I'm… glad to see you."

Another thousand tears ran down my cheeks. Sure, I was glad to see her, so glad I couldn't explain it in eons, and it felt good to know that she was really there, but it didn't feel right. She was dead. Plain and simple. No mater what we wanted to say, think, or do, it just wouldn't work out..

But did that really matter as long as we were happy, even for a short period of time? I traced her bottom lip with my thumb. No, it really didn't. She was so close, so beautiful, even more than before with her new, angelic glow. I placed my forehead on hers, and her eyes shook as she looked at me. I closed my eyes and left my lips to find hers on their own. I waited for a sensation, the sensation of lips coming together in a harmony that can't be compared to anything else in the world.

But that never happened.

I opened my eyes to find nothing there, only air was cupped in my hand. Amu had left my grasp, but she wasn't gone. I saw a faint light coming from the corner of my eye, and I turned my head to see her curled up in a ball on top of my stereo. She had a piece of paper and a pencil, writing something.

"What are you...?" I wondered aloud and walked up next to her.

She handed me the paper. What she had written shattered my conscience.

_Don't you __ever__ do that again.

* * *

_

Merlee: OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO SHORT AND IT SUCKED! DX Sorry guys!

Ikuto: Maybe THEY didn't think it sucked. Did you think about _that?_

Merlee: SHUDDAP! NOBODY ASKED YOU!

Ikuto: =_=... You're so loud today...

Merlee: Oh shuddap! Oh and if you all are wondering who the hell that Jynx girl was I mentioned once or twice she's a friend of mine that started online stalking me because she liked my stories and we're like best friends now. ._. Just thought you'd wanna know. And I might not always respond to your PMs and reviews, but I always read them!

Ikuto: Are you _done _now?

Merlee: ALMOST! Okay, people, REVIEW!~ I love hearing feedback!


	8. Chapter Seven: Do This With Me

Merlee: Hello, one and all!

Ikuto: This is a quick update. For you, anyway.

Merlee: I know, right? It's amazing. My brilliance never ceases to amaze me!

Ikuto: _Brilliance? _Since when?

Merlee: NOBODY ASKED YOU! -stabs Ikuto with a fork- These forks are getting old... -stabs Ikuto with a SPOON-

Ikuto: OW! Who would have thought that the spoons hurt almost as much as the forks?

Merlee: Me, apparently.

Ikuto: You evil little-

Miki: Merlee doesn't own Shugo Chara. She's merely a brilliant, evil... person.

Merlee: HELL YEAH!

* * *

Ikuto's POV

I stared down at the sheet of paper in front of me, at a loss for words. Was what I had done so wrong? Why did it bother her so much? Why couldn't she talk when I could hear her perfectly before? What exactly was it that had made her cry? How come I couldn't see her before, but I could now? There were so many things I had to ask her, so many things I needed to know, and so many things that I just wanted to say to her. But I couldn't find the words. It was almost as if there were _no _words at all, just silence.

Her eyes shifted to the window, then back at me. She let out a small sigh and shook her head. Then, she pointed her fingers at me and closed her eyes tightly, and snapped her fingers.

And all in that second, I suddenly felt unbearably tired. So tired that I couldn't bear my own weight and I collapsed on the floor. Then it was as if there wasn't a floor at all. Like I was falling. But I could still see the room, nothing was disrupted vision wise. I tried to twist my head to see Amu, but it felt too heavy. My eyelids began to droop, as if being pulled down by an invisible weight. Before I could even think about reacting, they closed completely, and I entered a dreaming state.

And in that dreaming state, a white light greeted me. It was brighter than anything I had ever seen, almost blinding, and something about it made me want to cry like nobody had ever cried before, yet laugh as if I had been told the funniest joke in the whole universe. It made me want to sleep, yet it also made me want to jump with all the energy I had. And as soon as it had come, it vanished, and I was in a snowy clearing in the middle of a forest. Right in front of me, less than a finger length away, stood Amu. She was…

…_glaring? _

"_You idiot!_" She yelled at me, punching me in the chest, "_You stupid, stupid idiot!_ _You __**can't **__kiss me! I'm __**dead**__! It's against the rules! Against morals!_ _Against physics! Agai-"_

I grabbed Amu's hands to keep her from punching me. "Please stop shouting," I told her calmly, "Could you explain to me what was so bad about that calmly?"

She paused for a moment, her jaw hanging open slightly. She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. After a moment that felt like a year, she said, "I guess I have some explaining to do, don't I?"

I nodded.

She took another pause. "Okay, so, from the beginning. Once I… passed away, the head guardian angel, Biku, saw that I had made a stupid mistake, and that… that I loved you with all of my heart, and that all I ever really needed was you. So she sent me back as your guardian angel. And she said…" She took a long pause "She said that, somehow, there was a way that you could bring me back to Earth, alive and well."

She took a long pause, waiting for me to respond. When I didn't, she went on. "But… all I really wanted was for you to be happy. I didn't care if I was with you physically, as long as I could see your happiness from a distance. So, I tried to get you to forget about me. And to do that, I contacted you in a dream, which was a big risk."

"A risk?"

She nodded. "Though we are given the power, it's frowned upon, because you're basically telling the dreamer of your existence, which is against the rules. And the use of it can get your spirit revoked and cast into nothingness. We aren't really supposed to associate with the living unless it's absolutely needed. Which leads up to why you can't kiss me. Even though I have Biku's permission to speak with you now, we can't… we can't do anything very romantic. It'll distract me from my duty, and it'll crush you emotionally and socially."

"Oh well… but why can I see you now when I couldn't before?"

She fingered her old lock, which still rested around my neck. "Because of this. I can't explain why, but when you came in contact with it, it let you see me for a little bit. Then, when you put it on, you can see me for however long you have it on for. But you can't hear me when you put it on. You can either see me, or you can listen to me. You can't have both in the real world. In your dreams you can, but not on Earth."

"Amu?"

"Yeah?"

"How do I bring you back?"

She paused again, looking for an answer. After a long time, she shook her head and shrugged. "I honestly don't know. Biku is very vague."

I sighed and stroked her hair. "Well, I'm sure we'll figure it out. Together." I tried forcing a sound of hope into my words, and as far as I could tell I had succeeded. But I was actually on the verge of tears. Amu and I couldn't even have a hint of a relationship like this, and neither of us knew how to resurrect her.

But she seemed to be happy about my will to find a way to resurrect her, though she didn't say anything about it. No, she just looked up at me with a graceful smile and eventually wrapped her arms around me, and I returned the favor.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," she said after a long moment of silence, "I wasn't mad. I was more… frightened."

"It's alright," I told her, "I understand. I probably would have done the same thing."

Neither one of us said too much after that. In fact, I don't think we said anything at all. The both of us were silent. It wasn't really a bad silence, either. It was a comforting silence. A time to soak in everything that had happened, a time to think. I wasn't crazy. Amu was with me. She'd been by me the entire time, even when I doubted her. There was hope of bringing her back, and even if we didn't have it now, we'd find a way. I was sure of that. If we couldn't have a relationship now, I would wait. Amu was worth waiting for.

"Please don't cry," Amu said softly, snapping me back to reality. In the midst of the silence and my dazed state, we both laid down on the snow-covered ground, facing each other. A few stray tears had managed to escape my eyes, and Amu was looking at me in a worried sort of a gaze. "I really don't like seeing you cry," she continued, "Partly because I can't do anything about it. But mostly because it's my fault… I don't want you to be hurt…"

I just smiled at her, one that was intended to mean _It's okay_. I looked up at the sky through the falling snow with a sigh. "It's fine, really. I don't… _resent _what you did. The way I see it, it's a hidden miracle."

Even if I didn't have a clear view of her face, I could tell she had given me a confused look. "Really?" She asked, her voice displaying pure surprise.

"True, if you didn't do it, I wouldn't be crying right now. I wouldn't have tried killing myself. You'd still be on Earth as a human being. But then, we wouldn't be here right now. You'd probably be in an orphanage or foster home. I wouldn't have realized just how much you really meant to me, how much I really couldn't live without you. Just how badly I needed you. I never would have known that you felt the same way about me." I looked back over to her. Her hand was lying next to mine, and I grabbed it without thinking. "Without any of that, I never would have known just how much I love you."

That was when I realized that it was the first time that I had told Amu that I loved her. In words, anyway. "I love you, Amu." I said it again, just to make sure she knew that it was true. I could have told her an endless amount of times easily.

Her jaw had dropped the slightest bit, and her eyes hovering from place to place, trying to find one certain place to focus on. "I…I love you, too, Ikuto. But I guess you already knew that by now, right?"

"Yeah," I said simply. Though I knew I'd have to at some point, this was one dream I never wanted to wake up from. Ever.

* * *

Ikuto: Okay, why the short chapter, you fart?

Merlee: _Fart? _Out of all the insults in the world, you choose _fart? _

Ikuto: ... Shut up. You're the one typing this, you know. I'm just a pawn in your... sadistic... perverted... stuff.

Merlee: Oh yeah that's right... PEOPLE! REVIEW! OR... SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN!

Ikuto: And this something bad would be...?

Merlee: ...I'll... I'LL GO ON STRIKE! NEVER TO WRITE ANOTHER STORY AGAIN!

Random Reader (Let's say it's... YOU!): NOOOOOOOO! DX MERLEE YOU CAN'T STOP WRITING!

Merlee: THEN PRESS THAT REVIEW BUTTON! :D First person who reviews gets... A HUG FROM IKUTO!

Random Reader (YOU!): YESSS! -presses button-

Ikuto: Whoa whoa whoa... I never agreed to this.

Merlee: SO? You said it yourself; You're just my pawn! :P

Ikuto: ... You jerk.


	9. Chapter Eight: Here We Go

Merlee: Oh look an update!

Ikuto: Took you long enough.

Merlee: Heh. Yeah. I have an excuse, though. xD

Ikuto: You always have an excuse... what is it this time?

Merlee: Weeellll I kinda lost the inspiration to write for a while. But then my cousin Ivan- all of you people who have been reading my stuff for a while remember him, right?- and my best friend Jynx started dating in like... February... And they seriously act just like you and Amu like no joke 'cause Ivan is always teasing Jynx and then Jynx is always all like "AAH YOU PERVERT WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE CRAZY BUT I LOVE YOU ANYWAY!" And they're so cute together, and their three-month anniversary was a few days ago. And Jynx is like a super fan of Shugo Chara, so I thought I'd update for a anniversary present. Plus seeing the two of them together and acting like you and Amu kind of got me motivated, and they even have the same freaking age difference. Plus a couple of friends wanted me to update, too. xDD

Ikuto: ... that's... outstanding...

Merlee: Isn't it though?

Ikuto: No. I lied.

Merlee: =_= -stabs Ikuto with a fork-

Ikuto: Ow! I think that's something this world would be better off without. You and your forks.

Merlee: I beg to differ!

Miki: Merlee doesn't own Shugo Chara or any of the characters. She's merely-

Merlee: -stabs Miki with a fork- Now _that's_ something that this world is better off without.

* * *

Ikuto's POV

A week after Amu had revealed herself as my guardian angel, we had both been hard at work trying to find a way to resurrect her. And even after all that time, we had no leads. Almost every source had said that guardian angels could not be resurrected, or gave us some long, blown out, elaborate, out-of-proportion, ancient ritual that the Druids used or something of the sort.

And it was harder to communicate with one another now, too. In the beginning, if Amu wanted to talk to me I'd have to take off the lock, and if we were out in public it looked odd taking it off and putting it back on, so that didn't last long. Then we tried to develop some sort of sign language, and since anything except subtle movements like a wild arm wave would be completely abnormal, we couldn't do that either. Then I tried leaving the lock off, but then I never knew if Amu was with me or not, and if I tried talking to her, then it would look like I was talking to myself, then I'd be landed in a crazy house for sure. So then we did the same thing, but I'd hold my cell phone to my ear any time we'd start talking. But then Amu was never really sure if I was talking to her or someone else, and I couldn't say anything too detailed. So we decided that the best thing to do was to keep the lock on and carry a small note pad and a pen everywhere we went in my pocket. This method worked very well, actually. Any time Amu had something to say, she'd tap on my shoulder, and I'd pull out the note pad and pen, and she took control of my hand with her powers to write. And we usually only ever went to stores or libraries- the only places we ever really needed to go, so it either looked like a shopping list or notes.

But when we were at home, I was willing to take off her lock as long as she promised to be near me. And to make it seem like she was really there, she no longer used the whisper she had before, which made it easier to talk to her on my part. Like now. I was sitting at the table, looking through a load of ancient books that I had checked out at the library, her lock in my pocket.

"So Biku never told you anything about the path of resurrection?" I asked her, flipping through a book that was in front of me.

I heard her sigh from the chair next to me. "No. Nothing except that only you could be the one to bring me back, and we both have to want it more than anything. I guess she _wants _us to find it out by ourselves."

I furrowed by brow with a sigh identical to hers and flipped through a different book, slumping back in my chair. What if we _couldn't _find out by ourselves? What were we supposed to do then? Was I supposed to rot away and die at an old age with no family to reunite with Amu again? That would hurt me more than this kind of a relationship with her.

"This is a lot of trouble," Amu said with an exhausted tone as a page in the book that she must have been reading turned, "I'm so sorry that I put you through this..."

I turned my head in the direction of where I guessed Amu would be sitting with a small tear in my eye at her words. Every time she said something like that, I came close to breaking down to tears. It always made me think about how it could be worse, and how it could be better at the same time. But even more than that, it made me think of how guilty she must feel, which made me feel guilty myself considering that I couldn't do much about it.

"I don't mind," I said for about the thousandth time. I wondered then if Amu could her the exhausted expression in my voice.

"That just makes it worse," she said almost breathlessly as the book I assumed she was reading slammed shut.

"How is it making it worse? It's not like I'm-"

In mid sentence, I heard the front door open. I didn't have to look or even listen to know who it was.

"_Ikuto!_" Utau yelled, she'd been quite the bitch after Amu's death, "_I've been trying to call you for days? Why the hell_- What's with all of the books?"

"It's nothing," I said, closing the book in front of me as she darted right towards me, "Just trying to let loose a little."

"Let loose?" She said harshly, picking up a book and reading the cover, "You call reading books about guardian angles letting loose? Why if I didn't know better, I'd say you were starting to believe in this stuff."

I just looked at her, still as a statue.

"Don't tell me… you… You believe in… this?" She waved the book in her hand, "Have you really turned to thinking that Amu is your _guardian angel?_"

I only nodded.

She nearly fainted. "Ikuto… of all people… you? _You?_" she looked at me with disbelief and set the book down on her table, slamming her hands down on the surface as she did so. She glared at me. "Has your grief hurt you so much? I thought you were stronger than that, Ikuto."

I sat as stiller than I ever had before. "And I thought you were strong enough not to hide your grief with anger," I said, "You miss her as much as I do. Don't try and hide it anymore. It's going to end up killing you."

I saw a tear fall on her cheek. "And we see how great it is to show your emotions, don't we? Amu killed herself because of her grief. You, you who used to pretend to feel nothing, are sitting here surrounded by books about guardian angels, refusing to let Amu go."

"I can't let her go," I said simply, "Not when she isn't gone."

"_Ikuto! She's __**dead**__! Why can't you understand that?_"

"She's dead, I know. But she's not gone. She's my guardian angel now. I've _seen_ her, Utau. With Merlee's help."

"With _Merlee's _help? That nutcase who swore her house was haunted by Elvis Presley's ghost? You're kidding, right?" (A/N: No, I actually never swore that. XD)

"No, I'm not kidding. I've seen her with my own two eyes. I held her in my arms. She told me all of the rules of being a guardian angel. She-"

"You've got to be kidding. Please tell me you're kidding."

"_She's right here beside me._"

She slammed her palm against her face. "I'm speechless. You've obviously gone insane if you really think that."

I reached into my pocket and pulled out Amu's lock, holding it out to Utau. "You want proof?"

"Are you _serious?_ You really think that-"

Without hesitation, I got up and put the chain around her neck.

* * *

Merlee: -comes in carrying a moving burlap sack-

Ikuto: You leave your readers with a really short chapter and a terrible cliffhanger, and you come in carrying a sack with dead people in it. I think there's something extremely wrong with you, Merlee.

Merlee: -drops the sack- Who said the bodies were dead?

Voice from Inside the Sack: _Merlee Wishine! Get me the fuck out of here, you idiot!_

Ikuto: ... now that is just creepy...

Merlee: =_= -unties sack and dumps out the contents, which are Jynx and Ivan-

Ivan: Finally.

Jynx: What was up with that, Merlee? Why the sack?

Merlee: Happy freaking late anniversary you two. I thought I'd be nice and put you into the set of my world-famous-needlessly-long into/outro.

Jynx: Why the sack?

Merlee: You really think I could get _that thing _into the outro without force? -points to Ivan-

Ivan: Damn you.

Jynx: I don't know if I should be grateful or mad...

Ivan: Mad.

Merlee: Grateful.

Jynx: ... ugh... o

Merlee: Don't side with Ivan! He's a dirty manwhore skank thing! I don't see why you like him!

Ivan: Merlee, you're so... -sigh- stupid...

Merlee: _You're stupider than I am! _Even if you did graduate top of your class like yesterday...

Jynx: You two fight like siblings... And I'm not siding with either of you. You're both insane.

Ivan: -puts arm around Jynx- My insanity turns you on, though, and you know it.

Jynx: ... creeper ...

Merlee: -looks back at Ikuto- See what I mean? Just like you and Amu!

Ikuto: -starts laughing- I'm not amused.

Merlee: Then why are you laughing?

Ivan: I may be a creeper, but you're the one who's attracted to it.

Jynx: ...Ivan, you're such a goof, I fucking love you.

Merlee: Those two are still at it? I'm going to be sick. I-

Ikuto: But you write stuff like that all the time...

Merlee: And it makes me sick to write it! Anyway, I'm just ending this here. Hey you! You reading this! Yes, I'm talking to you! I'd really appreciate a review! So support all these fabulous couples we've seen today and review, sillies! OR IT'S THE FORKS!


	10. Chapter Nine: Soul Survivor

Merlee: -sneaks in very quietly with a pillow and hits Ikuto in the head with it.- HEY WAKE UP YOU LAZY FAT ASS! xD

Ikuto: -sits up, startled- MERLEE? WHAT THE FUCK? IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING? WHAT ARE YOU WAKING UP FOR?

Merlee: Jynx was over for a while and then she and Ivan had caffeine and they were acting all hyper and crazy but now they've both crashed and fallen asleep and Keira's asleep too and I can't find my cat and I'm bored as hell so hey, why not wake up the fictional character?

Ikuto: ... Thanks, Merlee. I really appreciate the thought you put into my beauty sleep.

Merlee: Now you sound like my stupid cousin...

Ikuto: Keira? She's never struck me as the type to-

Merlee: KEIRA? Hell naw! She doesn't beauty sleep! Ivan does!

Ikuto: ...Anyway, why are you updating your fanfiction at three in the morning? Actually, why are you updating at all?

Merlee: To bug you.

Ikuto: ... I doubt that.

Merlee: I wonder why! But no seriously, I'm updating because I thought I aught to. But don't be getting your hopes up, it's really kind of short, and it's a bit kinda creepy, and I added my boyfriend in here at random. It's nothing interesting until the very end, really. But hey, I need short, unexciting chapters 'cause we're about to meet up with an exciting twist that probably nobody is expecting! Not even you!

Ikuto: That's because I gave up on expecting things from you a long time ago.

Merlee: Pssh!

Jynx: Merlee, what's up with all the yelling?

Merlee: Oh hey Jynx is up! xD Hello!

Jynx: Updating your fanfiction? Again? Are we that inspirational?

Merlee: No, you're that boring.

Jynx: HEY! Well, I'll go wake Ivan up, then maybe things won't be so boring!

Merlee: NOOO!

Jynx: Can I type out the disclaimer?

Merlee: As long as you're nice...

Jynx: Merlee doesn't own Shugo Chara! She's just a mean, stupid moronic bitch who likes to wake her guests up at three in the morning and calls us boring!

Merlee: I told you to be nice!

Jynx: TOO BAD!

Yes, this conversation seriously just happened. Not even kidding. And yes, Jynx really did type that just now. And... she just woke my idiot cousins up. Enjoy the story and I'll be seeing you on the other side.

* * *

Ikuto's POV

I watched as her jaw dropped and her eyes widened. She looked directly at Amu, back to me, then back to Amu. "A-A-Amu!" She yelled, nearly collapsing because of her suddenly unstable knees. She couldn't control herself anymore and she burst into hysterical streams of tears and sobs. Everything she said after that was an inaudible mumble of sounds. I assumed that Amu had made her way over to comfort Utau, for Utau appeared to be hugging the air. And under her breath, I could barely understand her words, "I missed you so much…"

After about ten minutes, Utau got herself back under control, though she lost the anger and bitchiness she had before, she stood back up. "You weren't kidding, Ikuto. She's here. She's really here. She's not gone at all. How is this even possible?"

I tried my best to explain to Utau everything that happened. Some details I had to go over a few times, I tried a lot to hold back any and all tears, but eventually I told the whole story to Utau, who was left almost dumbfounded and silent.

"You mean… we can bring Amu back?"

I nodded and gestured to the books piled up on the table. "That's what all those books on the table are for. But we haven't found out much of anything."

Utau looked back to the table. "You have all these books, and you've found nothing?"

I shook my head. "No. Not a thing."

Utau bit her lip. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

I could almost feel my eyes light up. "Yeah, there's a lot that you can do. Maybe you could…"

Utau's POV, much later.

I pulled the hood of the cloak over my head, feeling like the grim reaper in a cautionary tale for kids. _I really can't believe I'm about to do this, _I thought, _And I can't believe these people think that it will work. _

I looked back at the group behind me. Ikuto, in a cloak identical to mine with eyes filled with a glimmer of hope. Merlee, the grin on her face that usually meant something was about to happen. Merlee's boyfriend Lance, his long black hair a bored mess over his green eyes. And the single, floating cup that Amu had been holding, as suggested by Merlee, so we knew where she was.

"Are you guys really sure about this?" I said, checking the time on the wall clock. Three minutes before midnight.

"I'm absolutely sure," Merlee said, her Cheshire cat grin only widening, "It's a spell from the mystics of ancient Sumeria, a strong one, too."

The way she said it made my skin crawl, she sounded like someone who was up to no good. But Merlee always sounded like that, and if Ikuto trusted her…

"Whatever you say, Merlee," I said, turning back around and turning the doorknob, "Whatever you say."

I believed in ghosts about as much as Ikuto did before all this craziness, which isn't very much, but I would have sworn that the park where Amu had killed herself felt haunted, almost as if someone were watching me. I didn't know if it were the night or the park itself, but it was definitely creepy. I could tell that the rest of the group felt it, too.

"This… this is really it? This is really the place?"

"Yes, it is," I heard Amu and Ikuto say in unison. _I guess they'd be the ones to know, _I thought.

Merlee and Lance made themselves busy by gently placing a small round table down next to the monkey bars and draping a cloth with a strange pattern over it. They placed down two white candles on opposite sides of the table to make an imaginary horizontal line between two halves of the table and lit them. Then they placed two sheets of paper and two markers down also. They then backed away, finished.

As they stepped back, Ikuto and I approached the table and took opposite ends. Both of us picking up markers and drew our seals. Mine was a strange seal, one that looked like someone had written an imaginary word like "XOOH" in a fancy script. But no matter how strange, I kept my eyes on my seal and thought deeply about what it was I wanted. About how I wanted Amu to be alive again. How I wanted Ikuto to be happy. I thought of them together, smiling and laughing, alive and well. As I thought, I concentrated so much on my seal that it was the only thing I could see, the only thing I wanted to see.

I looked up towards the sky with my eyes without lifting my head, and I could tell that Ikuto was doing exactly the same, and I began to speak in song-like melody, somewhere between song and chant. I spoke clearly and slowly, and alone.

" _Kia kanpa, anna kanpa, dingir kia kanpa, dingir anna kanpa! Hear me, O thou Barashakushu, Come to Me by the Powers of the Word Baalduru, and answer my urgent prayer! Kia kanpa, anna kanpa!"_

Slowly, I lowered my eyes down to the symbol before me and stared intently at my symbol. Then, Ikuto began his chant.

"_Kia kanpa, anna kanpa, dingir kia kanpa, dingir anna kanpa! Hear me, O thou Marukka, and answer my urgent prayer! Kia kanpa, anna kanpa!_"

I was almost shocked at what Ikuto had said. He was summoning Marukka, the spirit of knowledge, who would only answer to those with the pure of thought and heart. And Ikuto was neither one of those. But I could hear the desperateness in his voice, his will and determination to gain the knowledge he was seeking.

Despite my minor distraction, I continued with the spell. While I stared at the symbol, I regained the thought of Amu and Ikuto together, alive and happy. I kept this thought going until it was hard to concentrate, nearly impossible, and then Ikuto and I closed the ritual in sync.

"_Dingir kia kanpa, dingir anna kanpa! Spirit of the Earth, remember! Spirit of the Sky, remember!" _

After taking three deep breaths, Ikuto and I started walking around the small area of the park we were in, touching any objects around us. I didn't understand why Merlee and Lance had told us to do this, but they told us to do it without question. After, Ikuto and I took our places again and turned our symbols over.

And with that, the ritual was done.

I looked at Ikuto. "Why Marukka?" I asked him, "You're not pure of thought. He could see everything you were thinking. You could have summoned Namtillaku, the one with knowledge to raise the dead!"

His eyes that had been brimming with hope just moments ago were now unfocused, almost unseeing, almost like he were blind.

"Ikuto?" I said with a small whisper as I reached across to poke him, "Are you okay?"

He was very still. He wasn't breathing.

I looked around for the others, but I didn't see them anywhere. In fact, I couldn't see the park anymore, either. I couldn't see anything except for the table, Ikuto, and myself. Everything else was pitch black.

"Ikuto!" I screamed, trying to wake him up from whatever kind of trance he was in, "_Ikuto!_"

But, as quickly as the darkness had come, it faded. I was back in the park, the rest of the group was there. The only thing that didn't change was Ikuto, his eyes still unfocused and dull.

"_You guys!_" I yelled, "_Something went wrong! Ikuto, he-"_

Merlee took one look at Ikuto, then back at me with a smirk. "Nothing went wrong."

I stared at her in disbelief, "So this was _supposed _to happen? Ikuto in an unfocused coma?"

Merlee nodded. "He's learning."

"_Learning what?_" Though I couldn't see her, I could hear the panic in Amu's whisper of a voice.

Without batting an eyelash, Merlee said calmly, "Learning how to bring you back."

* * *

Now, for the moment you've all really been waiting for, the part where I let Jynx and Ivan type in their own dialogue for the outro... In completely uncensored goodness.

Enjoy.

Merlee: So yeah, Jynx, I just made you read this chapter just now. What are you thinking?

Jynx: I want to make out with Ivan.

Merlee: ... What the fuck?

Jynx: You asked me what I was thinking.

Merlee: I was talking about the chapter!

Jynx: Oh... Well, it was crap.

Merlee: ... Why was it crap?

Jynx: BECAUSE IT TOOK OUT TOO MUCH OF THE TIME I'VE SET ASIDE TO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR BROTHER!

Merlee: -cough- Ivan's not my brother... he's my cousin...

Ivan- I may as well be your brother...

Merlee: Oooh Ivan you're so cool you use a freaking line instead of dots! Whatever! Nobody likes you!

Ivan- Your best friend says otherwise.

Jynx: HELL YEAH!

Merlee: Oh. My. God.

Jynx: -drags Ivan off into a corner and slowly starts to strip him...-

Merlee: ... I'm so glad that isn't actually happening...

Jynx: You didn't delete that?

Ivan- Why would she? It's sexy.

Merlee: I said this was completely uncensored... was I lying?

Jynx (And Ivan because he wanted to type too but I stole the keyboard first!): Yes. You were lying.

Merlee: ... Why did I introduce you two? You're troublemakers... especially when you're both together...

Ivan- Actually, you didn't introduce us. You just thought you did.

Merlee: And I still don't see how that works! Dx

Jynx: ... Squishy told me about your fanfiction so I came to check it out. We've explained this before.

Ivan- Quit calling me Squishy. I'm not squishy and I'm not fat. I am the exact opposite of squishy, I'm all bone.

Jynx: Squishy bones...

Merlee: You would know, wouldn't you? All that rough sex...

Jynx: WE'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT! Have we?

Ivan- ...

Jynx: Right? Have we?

Ivan- What, you want me to lie?

Merlee: Whooooaaa! Juicy detaaaiils! Yeah, I probably should just delete that, but screw it. Uncensored.

Jynx: He's kidding! He's being the insane pervert everyone in Merlee's gene pool is!

Merlee: ... I resemble that remark.

Ivan- I'm not kidding. ~~You don't want to imagine what was here!~~

Merlee: ... Everyone, Ivan is a pervert. A huge, pedophile, perverted, pedophile pervert. I had to delete that... You really didn't want to read it. Nobody wants a lemon they didn't bargain for...

Jynx: Well, he's _your _brother.

Merlee: OH MY GOD Ivan is NOT my brother.

Jynx: You two sure act like siblings...

Merlee: No we don't!

Ivan- Actually, yeah, we do.

Merlee: SHUT UP!

Jynx: Play nice!

Ivan- By the way, readers, Jynx and I really have ~~OH DEAR LORD YOU REALLY DID NOT WANT TO READ THIS~~

Jynx: -smacks Ivan in the face (which I actually really did!)-

Ivan- I probably deserved that.

Merlee: You know, if we don't stop, the outro is going to be longer than the entire chapter and OH MY GOD IVAN IS A PERVERT but anyway, reviews are appriciated and I really love hearing input! Just don't forget the story after you read all this... xD

Jynx: Review or Ivan and I will never return to Merlee's Magical Intros And Outros Of Wonder And Hot Sex (Ivan put that last part... Pervert...)

Ivan- And you know you love us. Especially me.

Merlee: JACE ALERT!

Jynx: Ivan's sexier than Jace...

Merlee: Whatever! Lance is sexier than all of you guys! I'll bring him in next time! BUT ONLY IF YOU GUYS REVIEW!

Jynx: Yes! Review!

Ivan- I say review, so you'd better review. Yes, I'm talking to you. Especially you, teenage girl sitting in front of her computer reading this. You're going to review.

Merlee: That's... Kind of creepy how you just kind of address them like that...

Ivan- Your point?

Jynx: AND IVAN AND I HAVE NEVER HAD HOT KINKY SEX, OKAY? SO DON'T GO AROUND THINKING THAT!

Ivan- Okay, we really didn't. I lied.

* * *

**_READ THIS! IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT!_**

And so I finally get a break from those two because they decided to go off and make out... again... but this is really important! The spell that Utau and Ikuto did is a real Sumerian spell! Even if you don't believe in this occult stuff, do NOT go around trying it! Unless you REALLY want to and are skilled in this! I've left links on my profile to use as reference for things I couldn't explain very well. So check them out if you're interested!

Also, I know, there's a really bad cliffhanger here, and it may look like the story is almost over, but it isn't! I'm serious when I say that Jynx and Ivan have given me inspiration to write like none other, and I just can't contain all of it. And I'm being serious when I say that the story is going to take a really unexpected turn, and I hope it's for the better! And also! I made a fictionpress a while ago, too! There'll be a link to that at the top of my profile! If you've somehow strangely become sort of addicted to the whole Jynx-And-Ivan relationship, well, they're going to explain their whole love lives to me so I can fictionalize it and write it down. So I'll be basically writing a fantasized, half-fictional-half-real story about them and I'll be posting it there. It won't be much different than my fanfiction, except I'll do my best to make it exceptional! So if you love my fanfiction, I really encourage you to read my stuff over there when I start posting, too! Which will hopefully be soon!

So please! Review, check out the links, and check out my fictionpress profile!


End file.
